- For Immediate Release -
Commodore of the Royal Chagos Yacht Club, Sir Bertrand Birgus Latro, has announced radically improved communications and financial infrastructure for the archipelago, with the initial installation of a telephone hotline on the popular island of Ile Boddam.
Commodore Birgus Latro (Who's Who Entry Here) stated the systems were intended to improve the historically "shaky" communications between Chagos visitors and the principal stakeholder, the British Indian Ocean Territory (BIOT) authority.
Using the latest solar power and lithium battery energy sources, the telephone hotline takes advantage of redundant super-hetrodyne conversion oscillators to piggy back on UBHF (Un-Believably High Frequency) radiation side lobes of adjacent military satellite uplinks.
Focused coconut shell antenna arrays powered by tidal action deliver steerable antenna functions for the UBHF system. This innovative approach ensures that errant radiation is in fact re-converted into useful energy and then made available to visitors who require emergency communications, at no cost to users, or indeed to the British tax payer. Sir Bertrand Birgus Latro noted that the entire antenna system was in fact recyclable, and that his family and friends could commit to complete consumption of the array within days if necessary....
Due to the security requirements covering the entire region, the hot-line is now hot-wired to the switchboard of the BIOT Administration at Whitehall in London.
While BIOT officials were unavailable for comment, it is believed they will monitor the trial closely, and have committed to answering the line "at least after morning tea" each day.
One official, who refused to be named, noted that previous reliance on email communications was obviously an out-moded and in-efficient methodology, and that permit applications and extensions were expected to "be processed more smoothly" now that voice communications were available.
In a further opportunistic and unique partnership, the Royal Bank Of Chagos has installed a mini-ATM that piggy-backs on the new UBHF communications link, allowing cruising visitors to deposit funds directly into the BIOT bank account in London. BIOT officials are believed to be monitoring that account very closely.
Sponsorship for the new infrastructure was provided by BIOAC, the British Indian Ocean Art Collective. A spokes-person for the collective was unable to comment, due to an unfortunate but persistent case of tongue in cheek syndrome.
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Sir Bertrand Birgus Latro Making The Announcement
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Commodore Birgus Latro (Who's Who Entry Here) stated the systems were intended to improve the historically "shaky" communications between Chagos visitors and the principal stakeholder, the British Indian Ocean Territory (BIOT) authority.
Using the latest solar power and lithium battery energy sources, the telephone hotline takes advantage of redundant super-hetrodyne conversion oscillators to piggy back on UBHF (Un-Believably High Frequency) radiation side lobes of adjacent military satellite uplinks.
Focused coconut shell antenna arrays powered by tidal action deliver steerable antenna functions for the UBHF system. This innovative approach ensures that errant radiation is in fact re-converted into useful energy and then made available to visitors who require emergency communications, at no cost to users, or indeed to the British tax payer. Sir Bertrand Birgus Latro noted that the entire antenna system was in fact recyclable, and that his family and friends could commit to complete consumption of the array within days if necessary....
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One Happy Cruiser Tests The New Hotline Service
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While BIOT officials were unavailable for comment, it is believed they will monitor the trial closely, and have committed to answering the line "at least after morning tea" each day.
One official, who refused to be named, noted that previous reliance on email communications was obviously an out-moded and in-efficient methodology, and that permit applications and extensions were expected to "be processed more smoothly" now that voice communications were available.
In a further opportunistic and unique partnership, the Royal Bank Of Chagos has installed a mini-ATM that piggy-backs on the new UBHF communications link, allowing cruising visitors to deposit funds directly into the BIOT bank account in London. BIOT officials are believed to be monitoring that account very closely.
Sponsorship for the new infrastructure was provided by BIOAC, the British Indian Ocean Art Collective. A spokes-person for the collective was unable to comment, due to an unfortunate but persistent case of tongue in cheek syndrome.
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Ha ha Very good. Looking forward to further communications!
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